“Hello?”

“Yeah, Angel, what’s up?”

“Oh, cool oo.”

“Nice, nice to hear. How’s your…”

“Ummm, Abrefa, can I please call you back? It’ll take just a minute. Something brief.”

A second later, and the line went dead.

Abrefa looked at the phone, a blank expression on his face.

Not surprising at all. In fact, this was what he had been expecting from the moment she answered the call. This was the fourth time she had done this to him.

And at this rate, he was at his elastic limit.

The Joelah debacle was now a thing of the past. They no longer talked, so that chapter of his life was over. Coming into the next year, an uncle of his had introduced him to this new girl.

Angel.

Another melanin honey with dimples and a curvaceous figure, Abrefa had already seen her at a program a few days earlier and had been pretty captivated by her fineness. So when his uncle had shown him who it was he was being hooked up with, he really thought God had stepped in to intervene for him and bring him his partner.

That aside, he felt pleased that ‘connections’ were being done for him, because all the bad experiences of his own attempts at dating had now made him allergic to moving to a girl on his own accord. At that point, he’d rather make his home under a broken-down truck by the side of the road than actively pursue any lady. So this was a welcome opportunity.

Of course, there were fears that things could always backfire, and he would remain the perennial loner he had always been. But hey, take the risk and see.

So he and Angel started chatting. They communicated every day. Within a couple of months, they had gone out on two lovely dates, and were really starting to bond. Abrefa found himself really starting to like her and planned to make his feelings known soon enough.

Things changed, however, when his job required him to move to Elmina within the next month. Knowing they wouldn’t be able to spend that much time together for the next two years at least, he decided to let her know he liked her, so he’d know where they stood. On their last date before he moved to Elmina, he admitted to starting to have feelings for her, and his hope that they could go further in the near future.

Her response?

Yep, as usual. ‘Let me think about this.’

At this point, Abrefa was used to it. Giving him a straight answer would even be weird.

Another thing that didn’t change was the moments of tension and anticipation as he waited on her response. He largely expected yet another ‘bouncing’, but was very hopeful that Angel would be the one to finally bring him joy as his girlfriend.

It took quite a while, as she said she was praying and thinking about it, but eventually, she did have her response ready.

She had always known a relationship was the reason why his uncle hooked them up, and in the past few months, she had come to like him a lot. However, she wasn’t entirely ready to be in a relationship, and would rather they maintain the relationship and see what God would do for them.

As Abrefa sat in his car, in front of the apartment he dwelt in Elmina, it dawned on him that that had been a nicely dressed rejection he had failed to recognize. Because ever since, Angel was showing all those gentle letdown signs. When he returned to Accra for the Christmas festivities, she had literally no time for meeting with him. Every date had its own excuse.

Also, she was taking very long to reply to his messages. He could send a message on Saturday afternoon, and she’d reply on Monday evening. A far cry from the times they could spend long hours chatting.

And most of all, she had stopped calling him, and always used the ‘lemme call you back’ line to get out of chats with him.

Abrefa took up his phone, opened the voice recorder app, pressed the record button, and began.

“Yeah, I’m done. I’m really, really done. Angel’s at it again. I just called her, and once again she does that whole ‘can I call you back’ thing again. Chale, in my eyes, this whole thing is void now. There was no mutual feeling, and everything she said made it so clear that there was no interest and it was yet another easy letdown, yet I was sadly too blind to notice it.

I mean, reality had to slap me in the face once again, didn’t it? For all her knowledge of how I wanted us to be more than friends, she doesn’t really show the requisite interest. I mean, I do hear from her every now and then. Once in a while. But it’s taken a while to realize that the statement she made back then was honestly no more than just a gentle letdown. She made it clear she wasn’t ready for a relationship, and the “God’s will” aspect really should have had me on edge. I foolishly claimed I’d still wait. Sigh. I was only kidding myself.

Honestly, I was deceiving myself from the beginning. I really regret the things I said, about how I’m ready to wait and all that. I regret voicing my interest a couple of times after the discussion. I really should have just said ‘ok, no problem’, then moved on. I constantly live in a world of suspense, having no clue what happens next, and it’s so scary making a move, because it just feels like any move will destroy what you’re hoping for.

But yeah, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I have major weaknesses that continue to bite me day after day, even when I swear I won’t fall prey to them again. One of them is getting emotionally invested in a girl I like. It’s so bad. A little attraction and I’m all in, picturing how in love we are and how I’d lavish all my affection and attention on her. Meanwhile, while I’m so smitten and I have her on my mind, she couldn’t even be bothered at her end. One-sided things. Lord knows I’ve been on the giving end for so long. And more often than not, I get another crush, and it starts all over again.

As for this relationship stuff… I just don’t know. And I no longer want to know. I know I may have a few crushes here and there, but I don’t want to be pinned down by them anymore. It’s exhausting, and ultimately fruitless. Maybe it shall be well one day, but at this point, my heart is tired. My soul is tired. Every bone in my body is tired.

It’s been ten freaking years since Kekeli didn’t give any answer to my proposal and I had to find out through Harriet and Bassey that she already had a boyfriend. Ten years since that news had me roaming around Dansoman and drinking myself into a stupor afterward. And nothing has changed. It’s still the same old cycle of hope, expectation and disappointment. From the infamous Kekeli saga to Rose, Baaba and Gloria also ignoring my proposals to the Adobea disappointment to the Joelah disaster to this. Chale, it’s tiring! I’m done with this thing called love! Maybe one day, when I’ve achieved all my goals and I’m comfortable, some girl might want to be with me. Maybe. But as it stands now, the curtains are drawn. It’s over.”

Done with his rant, he saved the voice note and tossed the phone onto the passenger seat. Shaking his head, he whispered to himself.

I’m just tired… I’m just tired… I’m just tired…

A couple of seconds of this whisper followed, before he wiped his eyes, laid his head on the headrest of the car and simply stayed silent.

Then he lifted his head up, and taking a deep breath, spoke up.

“I’m not gonna let this put me down. I’m just gonna focus on what matters. My job. Whatever anyone says, I don’t give a dang no more. It’s time to focus on what I have now, not on what I wish I had. And I have a lot that I can be thankful for, so that’s that. Time to make myself the person I need to be…”

With that, he took a deep breath, exhaled, forced a smile on his face, and proceeded to take his stuff out of the car, as he prepared for a well-deserved evening of rest.