So we’ve seen Paa Grant’s trip didn’t go as expected. From absolute euphoria to absolute despair. Those girls really messed him up. How’s it gonna end now?

Sooo, uh, it’s Sunday afternoon. I’m in an STC bus on my way back to Accra and… chale, I no know what make I talk sef.

I never expect sey something like this go happen. Chale, this weekend really make I shock. Herrrhhh!

I really slack ooo, I slack big time. I figure sey enjoyment nkoaa I dey come enjoy for some small Kumasi lodge. Not knowing sey ibi trap them set give me. Herh, my God!

So chale, it was one hell of a struggle afterwards. I no know whether ibi the presence of the robbers wey e make the reception peole boot lef the lodge, but as I go there, na nobody dey. Chale, the way my eye die as I search somebody make he give me clothes make I wear. Ei, these motherf**kers no show me small pity sef; the clothes I dey wear sef, them take go.

Someway somehow, I manage find some good Samaritan outside the lodge wey e help me get some shirt then shorts make I go police station go report the thing. So as I go that gb3k3 norr go report the thing, the nibbies I hear just make I shock even more.

Because they wanted to know how I met Adjo and all, I had to confess to them that we met and vibed on Badoo. And then that’s when they dropped some major info. Apparently, this is nothing new. It’s been happening for a while now. Some of these ladies are part of a gang that has been using dating sites to lure men into their traps. The modus operandi is exactly what happened between me and Adjo: they chat you up, seduce you with their beauty, get you to book a room so you can meet up, lure you into a false sense of security, then boom, the robbers take everything you have.

You’re probably thinking ‘well, at least you know her details and all, so you can have her easily tracked and caught, right?’

Well, as I found out later, with that kind of M.O., the ladies involved move with wit and sharpness. So any info you get from them is most definitely fake.

Yep. So the foolish girl I was chatting with is not even called Adjo. Whatever her name is, I have no idea. And no, she’s not a Tech student. The checks the police did indicated that there’s no such student on their records.

Since my phone was taken too, I didn’t have the number. I did have my Badoo details, so one of them helped me login and try and track her.

Guess what? Her account was gone.

Bruh, I fell for a f**king fraud bitch! Herh, my chest!

As for that African-American idiot, I don’t even know what to say about her. Bloody damn swine! Got the f**king to stay in Ghana and commit stupid ass crimes!

But suddenly, a lot of things started to make sense.

The way she said she’s not on social media. The fact that she never sent me pictures of herself, and her Badoo pics cannot be downloaded or even screenshotted. The fact that she chose a low-budget lodge for us. The way my phone which had all our chats and stuff was taken. Chale, the f**king criminal bitch was making sure her tracks can’t be easily retraced.

Ugh, I should have noticed all this, in hindsight. I probably should have. But chale, konji block my brain. That sexy body of hers was too much of a distraction. F**k sake!

Bruh, the levels of embarrassed I’m feeling right now, eh. As I dey sit this bus inside sef, e dey do me like everybody know sey I come f**k up for Kumerica. Like, I just dey watch my front. Chale chale chale!

I thought I was coming to have an unforgettable experience. Well, I got one, all right. Unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. Mtchew!

But chale, I can’t lie, the police have worked hard on the matter. Just be sey these criminals be sharp, so they’ve drawn blanks so far. With what they told me, though, they’re still investigating the matter and moving out of Kumasi to other towns and villages to see if they will find them, and once they do, I’ll be contacted ASAP.

Chale, I really hope they do, coz chale, this evil girl and her American kwasia counterpart really worry me. If it wasn’t for some good Samaritans who gave me money for my return and all that, like I go make stranded for the Kumasi there.

There was just one small matter at the station that annoyed me, though.

One of the officers, an elderly-looking man with this permanently angry look on his face, just kept giving me this look of disgust and disdain while I gave my account of events and answered the questions. That was already pissing me off, but I just focused on doing what I had to do. Besides, abi you know, if you respond norr, wahala.

Then at a point, as the officer asking questions stepped away for a few minutes to see one of his bosses or something, this officer looked me in the face and was like, “Na you, wo kɔ hɔ kɔ yɛ dɛn? Huh? You young boys of today, this is all you know. Sex, sex, sex. You see what has happened? You young men of today really need to learn the value of self-control. It’ll save you from all these funny, unnecessary situations you plunge yourselves into!”

For the benefit of those who don’t understand that first part, it simply means ‘what did you go there for?’

See, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’d easily get into trouble if I responded to him, like I go diss am ankasa. Bullshit! Man make hot dey deal with matter, you dey there dey talk nyaa. Kwasiasem! I no come there sey I dey search advice, I come there sey some f**king girl then ein paddies rob me, so make you do your f**king job! Mtcheww!

I just make quiet watch some other side as he talk that shit. I no respond sef. Rubbish!

Anyways, forget am. So I’m on my way back to Accra, and chale… I dunno what to tell my bro.

I know he’s tried calling all weekend. When I arrive, no bag. No phone. No money. Clothes of a total stranger. Chale, he’s gonna ask a lot of questions, and with the way I said it’s Paa Yaw I’m going to see… hmm…

Well, we’re now passing by Konongo Odumase, so I have a lot of time on my hands to cook up something.

Oh, and as for Badoo, never again! Dating apps and all that, never again! F**k that side, chale! If I ever use any of those apps again, make lightning burn me on the spot!

Seriously, chale. Never again. Never, ever again…

THE END

Well, it certainly went pretty bad for Grant. I dunno what he’s gonna tell his brother, but well, he gotta say something. And does anyone else agree with what the police officer said to him?

Thanks for reading, and as always, continue to enjoy yourself around the State!