“It’s just horrible, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It’s just horrible,” Nii Sodjah lamented as he sat in front of Wayne and Alayaa at the table at which they sat in Zachary’s Corner. “It’s as if she just wants to ruin my life for something I never did. Every single day, once this woman lays eyes upon me, she comes and beats me and insults me and curses me. Why? What have I done to deserve this?”

Wayne and Alayaa looked at each other and shook their heads, concern written all over their faces. The poor boy really was going through it.

“I mean, I know my father has been wicked to you, I know. I’m not happy with him myself. Nobody in their right senses will support a man to cheat on his wife with his sister-in-law and try to drive her out of the house. Nobody. I’m upset with him paaa, because it’s not right. But is it my fault that I look like him? And is that a reason to take out your anger on me?”

“Hmmmm. Take it easy, my dear, take it easy,” Alayaa calmed him soothingly, rubbing his back. “It’s hard to understand, honestly. It’s unfair that she’s using you as an outlet to unload all her anger upon, it really is.”

“Very unfair,” Wayne agreed. “Hmmm. It’s still impossible to reason with her?”

Nii Sodjah shook his head. “The number of times I’ve reminded her that I’m not my father is too much to count. I’ve said everything I have to say. That I’m not happy with my father too, that we are all suffering. It’s like she’s not interested in hearing me. It’s just too much.”

Alayaa sighed. “Nii, you sure you don’t want us to meet with her or get some help for her?”

Nii Sodjah shrugged helplessly. “Mrs. Smith, I wish I could, but she’s not willing oo. If I try and say she should get some help, she’ll insult me and say all those therapy things are for white people, and we Africans don’t need that. If I bring you to the house too… I don’t even want to think about the consequences and what she’ll do and say to you. It won’t be pretty, that much I can tell you.

“It’s tough. Even the alcohol she’s always quaffing, I’ve tried to get her off it, but it makes things worse. I want to leave, but I don’t know what will happen if I do. I really don’t.”

The Smith couple exchanged looks of sympathy. This was really hard on the boy. And so unfair and unnecessary.

“I’m tired. I’m just tired. I have to deal with my father not minding me, and my mother using me as a punching bag. Why? What at all have I done in this life to deserve this? Why?”

“It’s okay, Nii, it’s okay,” Alayaa cooed again, permitting him to bury his face on her shoulder. As he sobbed, she looked at Wayne, who sighed sadly.

“We really need to do something about this. It’s just pathetic,” he mouthed to her.

She nodded and mouthed back, “I’ll work on that tomorrow. I’m sure I can get someone to help out.”

Wayne gave her a thumbs up.

They definitely needed to help this poor young man. These circumstances of his were just pathetic, and getting him some assistance was the least they could do. Because nobody had to suffer this much for the wrongs of their parent.

***

“You are such a f**king idiot! I don’t even know why I waste my time on you!”

“I don’t know why I’m the one wasting my time on you, rather. This is all you ever do! Shout like a retard and say s**t that’s not true! I’m tired of you, woman!”

“Say s**t that’s not true? Really, nigga? You know damn well they’re true. You’re just a terrible liar…”

“No, they’re not. And stop telling me I’m a liar, Yaa. You know damn well I’m not.”

“Oh, please, nigga, please! You’ve been lying to me since the invention of seconds! What lies didn’t you tell me about that Arya girl on Instagram-“

“Will you stop bringing that f**king issue up?! Ah, what is this?”

Elias sat on the couch, rubbing his temples and gritting his teeth. Oh good Lord, here we go again. For goodness sake!

The couple upstairs were at it again. Hollering at each other for all they were worth.

Felix had probably been caught texting another girl or something like that, and Yaa was letting him have it.

But goodness, what an infuriating racket they were causing! They really didn’t seem to care that their fight could be heard by everyone; they just kept going at each other, airing out each other’s dirty linen to the unwilling ear.

Elias sighed as he grabbed his phone nearby and opened WhatsApp. There was only one thing he could do at this moment. Not that it would yield any result, but it still had to be done.

Inform the landlord about their misbehaviour.

He opened the chat and typed.

Good evening, boss. I trust you are fine. Please, Felix and his girlfriend are at it again. Screaming all over the place.

He put the phone down and crossed his legs, doing his best to ignore the screaming idiots above him as he quietly predicted to himself what would happen next.

The landlord would send a passionately-worded response expressing his utmost displeasure at what was happening and would immediately deal with it.

Then nothing would happen.

It had happened countless times, and Elias knew this complaint would go the way of its predecessors. They always did.

Two minutes in, and his phone buzzed. He picked it up and checked: a message from the landlord.

Really? I thought I warned that boy to stop bringing that girl to the apartment. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’ll deal with it asap!

Elias smirked and shook his head, putting the phone down. “Standard procedure from this man,” he murmured as he sat back and continued to focus on the television in front of him. “He’ll talk as if he’s gonna crack the whip gidigidi bi, then nothing. Chale…”

“I HATE YOU!”

“I HATE YOU TOO, YOU STUPID BITCH! I WISH YOU’D JUST DIE!”

Those yells he could not ignore. He looked up at them and sneered. These two confused homo sapiens really were an unbearable duo, the way they behaved. No self-awareness, no shame, no sense to realize they were disturbing others. They behaved as if they were Eustace and Muriel of Courage the Cowardly Dog fame: living in the middle of nowhere.

“Idiots. I don’t know what’s wrong with them. After all this yelling and shouting too, they’ll get back and be disturbing us with their ungodly antics. I don’t think there’s any couple who define the word toxic like these two. Honestly…”

***

“Are you serious, Naphtali? So you want us to have one of those cheap, forgettable weddings just because you want to save money? I can’t believe this!”

Naphtali took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Natalie, I don’t want a forgettable wedding, of course not. I’m just trying to tell you that we don’t need to splurge everything-“

“Are you serious? We don’t need to splurge? Ah, but why else have you been saving all that money since we started dating? Is it not for our wedding day?”

“Babe, it’s for the wedding day, and the rest of our lives. Surely you know we’ve got a life to live together after the wedding day-“

“So because of that, we should downgrade? Is that what you’re saying? Suddenly we should toss aside the plans and do something cheap?”

Naphtali raised his hands in frustration. “Ah, Nat, what downgrade? What cheap? Girl, what the hell are you talking about?”

The numerous moments Naphtali and Natalie had shared in his BMW were beautiful moments. Moments of laughter, moments of trolling, moments of singing along to love songs… the moment where Naphtali asked Natalie to be his wife.

This moment was not one of those lovely ones. Matter of fact, it was the complete opposite.

What should have been a meeting of sweet vibes and excitement at what the future held was currently a heated exchange. It was now clear that they both had different desires as to how the wedding was supposed to go, and after a few minutes of going back and forth, neither wanted to back down from their position.

“You are asking me what I’m talking about? Naphtali, you know damn well what I’m talking about. Ah, you know we’re supposed to kick things off on a memorable note-“

“And who told you that only big weddings are memorable? Ah, I can’t understand this reasoning. I really can’t. So if it’s not on the level of Kency or the Kojo Jones wedding, it’s automatically a cheap, second-rate wedding? Nahhh, Natalie, I’m shocked. If anyone would think this way, I wouldn’t expect it to be you…”

“Seriously?! Are you trying to insult me, Naphtali?”

“No, I’m questioning your mindset on this, because it’s just off. What makes a wedding memorable goes well beyond it being in a big venue with hundreds of guests and some plenty expensive decorations. You know that!”

Natalie shook her head. “You know what, forget. I’m not in the mood to hear what you have to say. Because you suddenly want to go cheap, you’re telling me my mind is off. It’s okay, take me home.”

Naphtali looked ready to explode. “Natalie, where did I say your mind is off? Ah, what is this? Stop putting words in my mouth! Jesus Christ!”

“Putting words in whose mouth? Is that not what you just said?”

“I said your mindset, your mindset! There’s a difference!”

“You, I said it’s okay, brother. Please, take me home!”

“Seriously? You’re just going to end it like that? You don’t want us-“

“Ohhhhhh, I said it’s okay, lah! Take me home! I want to go home!”

“Fine, fine, I hear. I’m taking you home, then.”

“Thank you.”

Naphtali shook his head as he buckled his seat belt and turned on the engine. He glared at Natalie from the corner of his eye as she folded her arms and locked a scowl on her face.

She usually looked extra cute to him whenever she looked moody, and he always teased her about it, claiming that Ne-Yo had her in mind when he wrote the song ‘When You’re Mad’. But this time, he was in no mood to notice that additional dose of beauty on her face. She was seriously pissing him off.

And with the way she seemed determined to take offence, he knew there was no point continuing the conversation. His idea of smoothly talking things out had failed.

And without any resolution, this issue was going to be a major thorn in the side.

***

“Mmmmmmmm… damn, I love the way you throw it back on me.”

“Yeahhhhh… you like it?”

“Uh-huh… so sweeeeettttt…”

Elias sat up on his bed, looking up at the ceiling as he shook his head.

It was way past eleven o’clock, and there they went again. From one extreme end of the spectrum to the other.

The very unwelcome sound of those two bodies slapping against each other, coupled with what he had just heard, was enough confirmation of his earlier prediction.

Their stupid argument had ended, and they were now happily knowing each other. In the biblical sense.

Talk about toxic. From hating each other to screwing each other in the blink of an eye.

Well, he wasn’t looking to stay on and hear them do their thing. it was time to go and sleep on the couch. He jumped out of bed, grabbed a pillow, and moved towards the door.

As he reached for the doorknob…

“Oh God, I think I’m in heaven right now!” Yaa screeched in delight.

He looked up, gave a big ‘mtcheww’ and opened the door, slamming it shut behind him as he ventured off to the living room.

“You think God will let you into heaven with that fornication nonsense you’re doing there? Rubbish!”

Yeah, this couple definitely is the embodiment of toxic. If there’s any relationship you’d envy, it certainly wouldn’t be theirs. And it isn’t looking pretty between Naphtali and Natalie, is it?