Monday afternoon. A quiet and slightly busy time of the week for Sly.

In line with his remote job as a data entry typist, he was busily firing away at his laptop keyboard, putting in figures where they ought to be. With Maranatha Music in the background, he was as content as could be. No worries about traffic or difficult bosses; he could work in the comfort of his simple home.

“You came from heaven to earth, to show the way/From the earth to the cross, my debt You paid,” he sang along as he continued to work. A few minutes more, and he would be done with his quota for the day.

Undistracted and focused, he kept at it, entering all the figures where they were meant to be. Once he was done, he scanned the screen to ensure everything was in place, then nodded and clicked on the Submit button.

“Ahhhhh, yess!! Work complete!” he congratulated himself, stretching his hands in the air and letting out a sigh of relief. “Thank God for that! Time to get some of that ‘Kofi brokeman’ Auntie Pat does across the street… ei, I haven’t checked on Benji after yesterday. Lemme call him.”

Sly reached for the phone, scrolled to the number he was looking for, and dialled.

“Hello, Sly!”

“Bro, what’s up?”

“Chale, Nyame adom ooo. We dey inside.”

“Nice, nice. Same here, by God’s grace. Just thought I’d check up on you after the meeting. Ibi like you closed late last night.”

A sigh followed. “Yeah. We did. 12:30 am.”

“Ah! Twelve-thirty a.m.?” Sly gasped incredulously. “Ah, but why?”

Benjamin sighed again. “Chale, Sly… I… I feel bad saying this, but… honestly, I’m getting weary of this church work I’m doing. Honestly.”

“Oh. You’ve reached that stage?”

“Seriously. You know me, bro, I’m ever ready to work for the Lord. That’s never been in doubt. But with the kind of conditions we work in… it makes this work feel like… feel like… like them jobs you hate, but you have no choice because money no dey house. You know? That’s the honest truth. Sly, you have no idea how relieved I feel that it’s a Monday. Me, Benjamin Nana Turkson, the guy that’s always happy when the weekend rolls around. Now I’m getting panic attacks whenever Friday comes.”

Sly frowned. This sounded very serious, coming from a passionate Christian like Benjamin. Ever since he had joined the Youth church, he knew this guy to be someone who would gladly drop his day job just to serve in the house of the Lord. The guy was virtually in church every blessed day. “Why, chale. What’s wrong?”

Benjamin sighed again. “Bro, let me be honest with you. You see that thing they call the numbers game? That’s exactly what goes on in those CRMs, and dear God, it’s horrible!”

Sly sat up in his chair. “Seriously? But doesn’t Rev. Randy always preach about not making soulwinning a numbers game?”

“Sly, trust me. It’s a serious numbers game over there. The way these meetings go, it’s so clear. Look, I hope you’re sitting down, so I can fully explain the whole thing to you.”

“Yeah, I am.” Sly made himself comfortable. “I’m listening.”

“Right. So you know how these cell meetings go. You’re assigned to a certain district, you have to find a place of worship, gather some people and start cell meetings. I mean, bro, it’s cool kraaa. The thing is, you know it’s not as simple as that. Prayers and fasting goes into this, and sometimes you’ll have a small number for a while. Sometimes people will join, then suddenly stop, and you’ll follow up and all, but chale, they still won’t come. I mean, starting these things isn’t straightforward for everyone. Some hit the ground running, some take time, that sort of thing. Ultimately, once you’re doing your part in building God’s Kingdom, fruit will come.

“But Sly, these meetings eh, they don’t care ooo. We started this cell thing a few weeks ago, and yesterday, those of us who don’t have huge numbers at our cells, the way they roasted us! Sly, it was bad! The way Pastor Henry and Pastor Kojo ripped into us, you’d think we were just some prime jokers who don’t care about soulwinning. They went on saaaa, saying we should be doing far better than this, and we are not praying enough, bla bla bla. Then the big man himself came.”

“Hmmm,” Sly hummed. “Reverend Randy.”

“Yep. Rev himself. As soon as he joined us, I knew it was gonna be quadruple the trouble. Sly, he came and destroyed the place kraaa. They showed him our charts, and the way he exploded was frightening. Telling us we’re not serious about growing this church, and that God will deal with us severely if we don’t get our act together. He was also saying stuff about how a great man like Bishop Ario, who he claims will be joining the Youth church soon, should be preaching to a packed Youth hall week after week, and we’ll be doing God a big disfavour if we don’t ensure that by growing our cells as quickly as possible.”

Sly sighed. He could easily picture such a setting. “Chale. So it was about filling up the church for the bishop? Interesting.”

“Oh yeah, and he went on about that loyalty issue of listening to other pastors again. Warning us not to be listening to other podcasts of other pastors, because we have all we need in Bishop Ario’s messages.”

Sly shook his head. He had heard that before, and that was another rule he could not understand. “Hmm. I still can’t wrap my head around that one. So basically, no Rev. Simeon Sarfo, no Pastor Tsedeq, no Archbishop Benton, no McCarthy…”

“None of them ooo, Sly, none of them. And it’s the way he says it kraaa that disturbs me. As if they’re some heretics bi that will poison us if we listen to them. I mean, wasn’t Bishop Ario good friends with the Archbishop before he died? And Simeon Sarfo di33, one of the nation’s fathers of faith. So I don’t get it. I just don’t. Isn’t it the same Bible they’re preaching from? Or there’s something I’m missing?”

Sly just sighed. “Ben, I wonder myself. I mean, they’re all working for the same God. As to why we’re suddenly supposed to behave as if they’re enemies just baffles me. A whole lot of things in the Youth Church bother me, to be honest. A whole lot.”

“It’s serious. See eh, for my cell meetings, I was on the verge of just gathering anyone around and taking their details just to get a good number, so they would leave me. But chale, the Holy Spirit was like, no way! Man cannot be faking God’s work like that. It’s just bad. I feel a weight on my shoulders now, and I’m so happy it’s Monday, so that’s off my chest, but Sly, it’s bad. The Lord knows I’m doing what I can and that I’m relying on Him for growth, but these leaders of ours just won’t see that. It’s just so tempting to engage in people pleasing, and I can’t stand it.”

Sly sighed again. “Chale…”

“And you know what pains me? At least, there are two guys in my cell fellowship that are starting to grow in the things of God. They’re always calling me, asking me questions about the Bible and all that… chale, at least, it’s bearing some fruit. Some people are slowly getting worked on by the Holy Spirit. That’s an obvious win for the Kingdom! Yet, I can’t focus on that, because I’m not producing huge numbers week by week. God is working in my cell, but people pleasing nti…”

“Hmmm. That’s the thing. People pleasing. It’s very uncomfortable to deal with. Chale, chale, I really dunno… the way I was excited when I signed up for this… I-I don’t feel it now. I understand when you say you feel dreary about church, coz that’s been my feeling for weeks now. Everything feels so wrong, yet… you can’t talk.”

“Oh, hmmm. If you talk right now, they’ll skin you alive for being disloyal. The loyalists among us will report you and let Pastor Henry and Pastor Kojo humiliate you before the whole church. That thing they did to Billy last month still gives me chills.”

“My brother, the less said about that, the better,” Sly agreed, shaking his head. One of the passionate followers of Rev. Randy had chanced upon the gentleman on a phone call, making known his reservations about some of the teachings in the church. The follower secretly recorded him, sent the recording to the leadership, and that Sunday witnessed a most embarrassing spectacle, as Pastors Kojo and Henry absolutely tore into him before the whole church, and warned everyone that a similar fate awaited anyone who walked his path.

“Abi you know your beloved Jubilee is another one of the major snitches. If you like, slack small p3, she’ll inform Rev. Randy sharpest!”

Sly sighed and shook his head. Benjamin was the only one who knew about his deep crush on her. “Yeah. Chale, I dunno, ibi like I for drop that one, because the way she dey di33, I can’t…”

“I understand, chale. Like inobi this matter, like you for really do wild. But chale, the way she is, you’ll just be living a fake life. Coz small slacking, and Rev. Randy will come and tell the whole church you’re a potential Lucifer.”

“Hmm. It’s sad, chale, it’s sad. It’s not like we want to just be disrespectful or cause havoc in the church. Some of these things they’re teaching just don’t sit right with us, and we need to be sure they’re in alignment with the word of God. But nope, for these people, you either accept it, or you’re a devil. It’s sad.”

“It is. Anyway, so I’m good, by God’s grace. Let’s see what the Lord will do… oh, chale, Francis is calling me. I’m sure he’s got some questions for me. Chale, Sly, we’ll talk later, okay?”

“Oh, sure, sure. Attend to your guy. We’ll talk later.”

“Cool, cool.”

As Sly hung up, he rose to his feet and sighed, shaking his head.

So many issues in the church, yet there was no way to have it addressed. Rev. Randy and his associate pastors were firmly entrenched in their ways, and any attempt to engage them did not end well. A peaceful and respectful delegation of members had tried this a few months earlier, and the repercussions had been drastic; they were immediately kicked out of the church, and Rev. Randy constantly threw subtle jabs their way whenever he preached. So now, it was all about getting in line to ensure you wouldn’t get caught in the firing line.

Looking up to the ceiling, Sly shook his head before heading for the door to get his roasted plantain. “Lord, I may not know much, but I don’t believe this is how the church ought to run. I know You want us to be like the Bereans, yet this leadership won’t allow us. Lord, help us, we beg. Show us what to do. Please.”

Yep, he’s definitely in one of those kinda churches. A major problem he finds himself in. Well, what is he gonna do?