TES AMEN
Six hundred chariots. Chariots of iron; fitted with iron scythes to cut down men as we drive along.
Fifty thousand horsemen.
Two hundred thousand foot-men, all armed.
Oh yes, our master the Pharaoh left nothing to chance in this quest to deal with these Hebrew fools. From the moment we moved out of Egypt to where they are, it was nothing but confident passion coursing through our veins. Here we are, strapped to the teeth! While they are just some weak little group all on foot, unarmed, undisciplined and totally ill-equipped to fight back in any way.
Oh, this is going to be a straightforward capture, that’s for sure.
And it’s not even like the Hebrew nitwits are making it hard for us. With what we’ve seen so far, they’re even stupider than we thought.
So here’s the thing: they’re currently camped at Migidol, near the sea. On one side, there’s Pihahiroth, where there’s a lot of craggy rocks. There’s absolutely no way they can pass that side with all their children and livestock. On the other side, there’s Baalzephon, a place where some of our forts and garrisons are located. Before them is the Red Sea…
… and we’re right behind them.
Ha! I dunno what went into their decision making, but it sure was one senseless brainstorming session they had. So they’re planning to go through the sea or something? Do they think their god’s suddenly gonna give them gills and scales to swim through the sea? Pathetic!
Well, we’ve caught up with them now, and honestly, this is going to be the smoothest and swiftest of recaptures!
From the fracas those of us at the frontline could see, it looks like they’ve seen we’re nearby and they’re already beginning to panic.
My master the Pharaoh laughs scornfully as he observes it. “They’re already frightened? Perfect! They have no idea what’s coming at them. Troops! Let’s move! Capture every single one of them, and shed blood if you have to!”
A rallying war cry is raised, with his fist in the air.
We all roar in approval, as our chariots and soldiers on foot charge toward the Hebrews.
HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
***
Okay, so… I don’t know what happened, but… just as we were getting quite close to the Hebrews, this inexplicable darkness just swooped in out of nowhere and… we’re yet to close in on them.
It’s been almost six hours of waiting… or wait, seven? Eight?
I don’t know. All I know is that this crazy darkness is blocking us.
Ugh, this is frustrating!
***
That felt like an eternity! But finally, the darkness blocking us from the Hebrews has lifted.
And oh my goodness, the sight before us!
The Red Sea has been opened up. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was as if some really strong winds blowing from opposite ends met in the middle and blew the sea into two. So there’s this patch of dry land and it’s sandwiched by the two sides of the sea.
And the Hebrews aren’t where we last saw them. Pretty obvious they’ve gone through this walkway.
I have never, ever, ever seen anything this awesome and terrifying in my life. Never. My heart is literally slamming against my chest as I speak.
I have to be truthful. This just can’t be the workings of some dark arts. This is definitely the hand of a supreme be-
“Come on now, move! Move! We can still catch up with them! Move!” my master the Pharaoh bellows, unmoved by what is before us.
Immediately, the chariots begin to move with top speed, as we begin our journey through the parted Red Sea.
I don’t know if I’m the only one feeling this way, but… it’s not just terrifying sights of the sea walls on each side. There’s this very unsettling feeling in my bowels.
I only feel that way when there’s danger ahead. And with what we’re passing through, it’s so obvious there’s serious danger surrounding us. I don’t feel safe at all.
But our master has spoken, so we must continue.
We move on, our chariots back at top speed. The distance is pretty far, but those of us in the frontline can see the last of the Hebrews exiting this walkway. And that seems to spark my master the Pharaoh into a frenzied determination.
“MOVE FASTER! MOVE FASTER! DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY!”
The captains of the chariots up the ante. The one I’m in, in particular, is moving at an insane speed. No surprises, though. The horses for this chariot are really well catered for, so you bet they’ve got a lot of energy to burn.
We’re still moving, making sure those Hebrew oafs don’t get out of our sight. The pit in my stomach still lingers, albeit not as bad as it initially did. Maybe with the speed we’re moving, we can get there in time. The distance is a considerably large one, but hey, it’s possible.
And then, all of a sudden…
Peals of lightning strike in our midst!
Absolute chaos!
The screams and cries of fright are as ear-shattering as the cracking thunder that accompanies the lightning bolts. Absolutely terrifying! Horses lose their balance and crash to the ground. Men fall out of their chariots. Cries of pain and shock.
It’s instant madness in our midst!
I look up, and there are no clouds. No signs of any thunderstorm.
Where are they coming from?
As soon as that question crosses my mind, though, I already know the answer.
It’s the Hebrew god. I mean, who else?
Before I can properly digest this, however, one thunderbolt strikes near my chariot. The captain, myself and the other officers scream our lungs out and fall out like dead men as our horses collapse in utter fright.
Yeah, I was initially very much hyped about this. But now, it’s looking like a terrible idea. I rise to my feet and look around me.
The chaos is frightening. Some chariots have had their wheels struck off. Many men are lying on the floor. Everyone is petrified at the moment.
“RETREAT! RETREAT! THE GOD OF THE HEBREWS IS FIGHTING FOR HIS PEOPLE AGAINST US!”
I don’t know who cried that out, but whoever it was, he just spoke my mind.
This truly was a terrible idea. This God of theirs already dragged us through the mud in our own homeland. Now look at what He’s doing now, in the middle of the sea. Goodness, we should have let these people be! Next thing you know, He’s going to…
Wait a minute… this walkway. He… He must have been the one to part the sea for the Hebrews to pass. And if He’s fighting us, then that means…
NOOOOOO!!
I take to my heels and speed past the men I occupied the chariot with, screaming my heart out. “MOVE, PEOPLE, MOVE! MOVE BEFORE THEIR GOD CLOSES THE SEA OUT ON US!”
At this point, to hell with whatever the Pharaoh has to say. This is my life at stake! I need to get to the shore!
I can’t let this sea swallow me up! My little boy needs me. My wife…
Oh my goodness, Tabia was right all along! Oh, man, I should’ve listened to her. She begged me not to go. She told me she had a bad feeling about this. Ugh, stupid me! I chose the words of an emotional man over my wife’s words of wisdom. Damn it…
I hear horrible screams behind me.
And the crashing sounds of water.
I look to my left.
The wall of water is crashing down.
And heading straight for me.
I scream.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-“
Yep, too little too late for Tes Amen. He and everyone else got caught up in the sea.
Let’s end this one with seeing what his wife says…
