“Get your beady eyes off our water body, you feathered scavengers!”
The silent face-off was over with that verbal bullet. As Ash spat at the crows, chest puffed out in defiance, the stage was set for a nasty exchange to occur. The time for sizing each other up was over; it was time for each species to assert their authority over the pond.
Or at least, a semblance of authority.
Aiko stared back at him and chuckled in amusement.
“Awwww, how cute. The brave little pipsqueak’s warning us! How noble, how courageous, how valiant! Shiver mi timbers, you’re so scary! I bet even the bald eagle would cower if he saw you coming,” she mocked.
Then in the blink of an eye, her tone changed to a menacing one. “Watch your little beak, tweety. You might be fast, but you’re still a bite-sized twerp. One little peck from me, and you’ll be scattered all over the floor like yesterday’s breadcrumbs.”
“Ugh, there they go again!” Sky scoffed, looking very unimpressed. “Always with the crass and unacceptable chatter. But then again, what do you expect from garbage connoisseurs?”
Kiko glared at him. “Watch it, Dumbo! You’re not one to talk, you and your weird friends moving like you’re in some brainwashing bird cult. Always bobbing your heads for no reason. I don’t know if you even know what you’re doing, you probably just vibrate when confused. Which is pretty much all the time!”
“Well excuse me, Mr. Garbage-Trucks-Are-Five-Star-Restaurants-For-Me, you are just painfully ignorant and deluded! Pigeons are a symbol of grace and history. Ever heard of the carrier pigeon?”
Raine, who had recognized how silly this whole charade was, opened her beak to try and restore some sanity. Before she could, however, Faith opened her beak sharply.
“Who cares about the carrier pigeon? All we’ve ever heard is how you’re a bunch of brain-dead bread addicts who can’t tell glass from reality. I bet you all tried fighting your own reflections in a window before coming here!”
Ares stepped forward. “You’re one to talk, you hyperactive little noisemaker! You better be careful, sparrow. You’re just bloated mosquitoes with feathers! I could sneeze and knock ten of you out of the air!”
“Ha! I could cough, and I’d knock fifty of them and ten of you!” Aiko retorted.
“Zip it, you scavenger! You guys are so slow of mind, you think shiny bottle caps are gold. I see your nests; they look like the result of when a human toddler’s toy chest explodes,” Nyx shot back.
Aiko, seemingly triggered by that jab, flapped her wings dramatically in a fit of rage.
“Shiny things are treasures, you pretentious loaf of bread!”
If a matchstick was struck anywhere near this pond, the chances of a major combustion would be very high; the sheer intensity of this avian squabble was thick. Feathers puffed, wings flapped, and sharp beaks spewed insults faster than a bird could blink. It was as if every chirp, caw, and coo carried centuries of unresolved grievances, and they were happily, or aggressively, letting them all out in this one insane moment of avian soap opera confrontation.
“Bah! Treasures! Do you know what the word treasure even means? I don’t think you do!” Sky sneered.
“Oh, so you think! Wow!” Kiko gasped sarcastically. “Amazing! I never would’ve guessed. I always thought pigeon brains always malfunction whenever they need to process a single coherent thought.”
Raine winced. That was quite a low blow.
But then again, every single comment so far had been a low blow. And it was getting out of hand.
Sighing, she tried.
“Um, please, please, can’t we all just-“
“Silence, you little nitwit!” Nyx snapped, glaring at her. “Irritating little popcorn kernels! That’s all you lot are about: being small, annoying as hell and just jumping all over the place with no direction or purpose!”
That direct hit at Raine instantly changed her mood.
Scowling, she puffed her chest out and faced Nyx. “Oh really? That’s rich, coming from nature’s walking pooper machine! Tell me, do you pigeons ever try to aim for something that isn’t some human’s car or head? Or that’s too tough for your cell-sized brains to figure out?”
“Oh, you really wanna go there? Well, before I answer that, how about you tell me why you obese fleas just love flapping around aimlessly, looking like a breeze could take you out?”
Kiko sneered. “We said it, didn’t we, Aiko? Here we are, with our beliefs proven right once again: the sparrows are overcompensating little twerps, and the pigeons are just, plain, dumb.”
“Oh shut up, you janitors of nature!” Slate snapped. “Talking like you’re some glamourous birds or something. Who doesn’t know that everyone hates it when you caw? Do you caw because you have no inner thoughts, or is it just some uncontrollable reflex?”
“That’s rubbish, and you know it!” Aiko cut in. “Everyone knows we crows command respect—when we speak, the world listens.”
“Of course. Because you’re the mascot for witches and bad omens! You’re the representatives of bad luck, for goodness’ sake!” Ares screeched. “History’s put you down as the bad guys. Even the universe knows you’re bad news!”
In support, Nyx mimicked a human seeing a crow. “Oh no, a crow! Somebody’s grandma just stubbed her toe!”
“At least that’s fear!” Kiko shot back. “I’d rather they fear us than laugh at us. Coz you pigeons are one hell of a laughingstock. Always flapping about with the awareness of a crippled bumblebee, not even knowing where you’re going.”
“Hah! Even crippled bumblebees would be deeply offended by that statement, Kiko. Even they’ve got better awareness and intelligence than these seed-brained doofuses…”
“ENOUGH ALREADY! ENOUGH!”
All the birds jumped in fright at the sound of that loud croak. Every one of them went silent, looking around to see where that voice came from.
“Enough with all the insults! Goodness gracious! Why all this savagery so early in the morning?”
Following that voice came a rustling in the bush next to the road where the pond lay…
Lord have mercy, that was one hell of a roast session! These birds have zero chill. Well, let’s see who’s bringing sanity to the pond…
